Giant lush animals! Hypnosis! It’s the weekend’s big TV stuff

Madge’s fall at the Brits, a full and frank interview with Jonathan Ross in which the great lady addresses the unfortunate incident head-on.

Your eye col­or is sud­den­ly translu­cent, cheeks are flushed, there is soft rosy halo around your lash line, and your lips…your lips deep­en as blood rush­es through them and cre­ates a beau­ti­ful, trag­ic look. This lip hap­pens to work well for day or evening and does­n’t require you to cry! This method allows you to wear any lip col­or in a very nat­ur­al and believ­able way.

The secret to this look is cre­at­ing a soft halo around your lip line. Start by tak­ing your favorite lip­stick, stain, or chub­by lip pen­cil and sat­u­rat­ing the col­or just on the cen­ter of your lips. Then, take your fin­ger and blend the col­or over your lips as if you are rubbing 

I can’t wait for you to try the cry­ing lip. It’s so beau­ti­ful, it will bring you to tears.

Once the col­or starts dis­solv­ing into your lips, drag your fin­ger right on top of your lip line, bleed­ing the col­or into your lip—especially over your cupid’s bow. It’s like fin­ger paint­ing on a sen­su­al can­vas, lead­ing to the per­fect stain that will last for hours.

This tech­nique will also allow you to use those beau­ti­ful pops of col­or you’re always eye­ing but nev­er dare to buy, since the method will only cap­ture the color’s essence. My favorite three col­ors to use for the trag­ic lip are a coral red, a clas­sic mauve, and a deep wine. The first col­or I used in the pic­tures is YSL’s Rouge Pur Cou­ture Ver­nis À Lèvres Glossy Stain in 8 Orange De Chine (which also made an appear­ance in this week’s lip stain roundup!)—the per­fect orange-coral stain, but you must work quick­ly with blend­ing as it sets quick. The sec­ond look is the rosy-mauve Clé de Peau Beauté Extra Rich Lip­stick in 106. This creamy for­mu­la feels so heav­en­ly on the lips and imparts the per­fect “you-could-nev­er-go-wrong” col­or, giv­ing you a super-nat­ur­al, yet flat­ter­ing look. The third col­or is the Nars Vel­vet Mat­te Lip Pen­cil in Train Bleu. Swipe this vampy col­or dead-cen­ter on lips and give it a good rub down to trans­form your mouth into a dead­ly weapon that kills silently.

You’re Back In The Room (ITV, Sat­ur­day, 8.20pm)

Pre­ced­ing the Ross/Madonna spe­cial is a barmy new game show. Not as barmy as the new game show on Sky1 tomor­row (see below), but pret­ty damn barmy nonethe­less. The premise is that a team of five mem­bers of the pub­lic take on appar­ent­ly sim­ple tasks to win mon­ey — but they’ve all been hyp­no­tised. Not by host Philip Schofield. But by “Inter­na­tion­al men­tal­ist” Kei­th Bar­ry. Not sure what a how a nation­al men­tal­ist would do in com­par­i­son, but Kei­th does man­age to con­vince ful­ly clothed peo­ple that they’re naked and such. It’s bold, rather dis­con­cert­ing stuff, and a lit­tle uncom­fort­able to watch. But at least it’s a bit dif­fer­ent. Just like…

Wild Things (Sky1, Sun­day, 7pm)

This has got to be the most ludi­crous game show con­cept since BBC1’s Don’t Scare The Hare, way back in the mists of 2011. In a wood some­where, mem­bers of the pub­lic too weird to get on to ITV’s hyp­no-game show You’re Back In The Room dress up in huge fluffy ani­mal cos­tumes out of which they can’t see any­thing, and pro­ceed to take part in a series of chal­lenges in the hope of win­ning £10,000. Each of them hand­i­ly has a part­ner to help guide them through the con­fu­sion and pre­sum­ably to deal with the stress after­wards but it’s basi­cal­ly grown adults dressed as giant ducks and rab­bits falling over a lot. What’s not to love? Oh, and it’s host­ed by the fine com­bo of Springwatch’s Kate Hum­ble and come­di­an Jason Byrne.

And don’t for­get… It’s the last in the cur­rent series of Drag­ons’ Den (BBC2, Sun­day, 9pm) and the last ever appear­ance on the show from the ever-grumpy Dun­can Ban­natyne, who’s actu­al­ly in even grumpi­er form than usu­al. He also gets a VT of his best bits, which is hilarious.